I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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