I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
