if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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