Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
