Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
