Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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