At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
