I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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