i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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