last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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