i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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