their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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