I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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