I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
