So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
