My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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