Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
