What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
