Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
