wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Fuck appropriateness.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
