Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
