you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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