so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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