yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
