When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
