idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
