i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
