I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize