Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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