I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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