Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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