I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
