You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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