for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
