my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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