dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
