Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
