Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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