we have pet lesbian snakes
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
