that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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