My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
