Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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