Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
