I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were destined to go to rehab together
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
