Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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