Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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