I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
