Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
