I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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