I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
