It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
