Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
