THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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