Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
