Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize