I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize