You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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