if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
