That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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