My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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