I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
