Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
