Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
