Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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