Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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