it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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