how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
