I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
