i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
