I must be too annoying 4 u.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
