I haven't been this sober since birth.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
