The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize