i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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