The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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