I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
