At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
