i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
